Nine Inch Nails - Burn
- has red hair
- middle aged
- played scully on x files
- is not a man
- is gillian anderson
That Columbine shit is so fucking touchy. As much sympathy as we give the Columbine shootings, nobody ever looked at it from the fuckin’ point of view of the kids who were bullied-I mean, they took their own fucking life! And it was because they were pushed so far to the fucking edge that they were fucking so mad. I’ve been that mad.Eminem (via extraterrestrialxxx)
Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold in Car War Commercial
Mrs Harris had a good day today and she wanted you to see her cute as toot outfit :) ♡
late night musings on my shittiness:
ive had this… i don’t want to call it a plan cos it’s not… idea? about shooting up my school for a loooong time. ever since sixth grade. obviously, i wouldn’t. number one that’s shitty, number two, i have no guns, so it’s not even a thing i SERIOUSLY consider. but yeah i think about it. what it would be like, who i would kill, how i would do it, where, if id kill myself too or just go to court or whatever. idk everyone thinks of killing people right?? at least once? i mean it’s just basic human curiosity.
idk reading about eric and dylan and what they did has been very important to me. gives me a lot of perspective. reading about killing in general helps me, in a way, but reading about them in particular is very interesting because they were a lot like me. dylan was a lot like me— i found my old diaries recently and they’re so similar it aches because he was my age when he died, when he killed, and it’s like im looking at who i could have been. dylan is who i could be. and i am so lucky not to have found the reb to my vodka, because i would have been lost. if my close friend had said ‘i can get guns, i can make bombs, let’s do it’ then you can be damn sure I would have done it. if i hadn’t stopped drinking. if i hadn’t stopped smoking. if i hadn’t stopped destroying myself like i used to, then that is the path I would have followed.
so reading about dylan is like looking into this parallel future and that sounds fuckin stupid but that’s the way it is. the problem is that im not quite past that crucial turning point. i haven’t yet given up that idea. and im at that point where i can see in my mind a divergence: go down this road of blood or this of saving. and the fucked up bit is i still haven’t decided. im looking at the signs on the road wondering if i can stomach either road ahead of me. if i can bear to live long enough to be something or if i can bear to go down in blood and evil and terror.
i want to take what i have read about dylan and live its opposite. i want to take these boys and make them my motivator, not to kill, but to save: if i can use what i have learned from all this and i can make a difference and do any fucking thing to make sure it never fucking happens ever again then that is great.
this is the time to decide and im lucky to have the most amazing friends anyone could ever have in this big old shitty world. im choosing which road im going down and i have something dylan never had: friends who care. friends who understand. friends who help. and i hope that by having them around i will learn to trust myself and i will pick the saving path. because i do not want any more death. because ever since i first looked into the face of death i have hated it. and i will not bring it to anyone else. i just have to keep telling myself that.